"Maybe we’re trying, trying too hard." – Empty
I’m feeling so empty. -_- I just can’t stop worrying about things, about everything. I know there’s nothing to worry about, but sometimes, it will really come to the point that you will feel worried that much. That all you can do is nothing. All you want to do is to cry and cry. Cry as hard as I can, that you don’t want to talk to anybody, to everybody. That all you want to do is to scream. Scream out loud…. I don’t know why, all I know is that it’s all I am feeling right now. And I hate this kind of feeling. It makes me so sad, so crazy. I feel so down inside. I feel so empty. -_- Sometimes, I want to escape but I don’t know where to go and what to do. This is so crazy.
I just don’t know what to do that all I can think and feel is that there’s no one who can comfort me but myself. I know there’s someone out there that can make me feel better. I know there’s nothing to worry about. I have my family, friends… I have God. I know I am very blessed to have these people in my life. But, sometimes, it will really come to the point that you’ll be asking why. There’s so many “what ifs” and “whys” that will cross your mind. Why am I feeling like this? I just want a friend who will ask me why, who will hug me that tight. Who will say that do not worry. Who will care on me as much as I needed. I just want to have true people in my life. It was so sad to think that there are some people that will really disappoint you, that will really hurt you, and will be acting fake with you. The worst part is that you were always with these people. I know it’s not good to judge people, but I just can’t stop thinking that there are some people who will backstab you, who will talk behind your back. It hurts that much that the people you treat like your real sisters and brothers are the one who will do all of these shit on you. It hurts. It really hurts. I don’t know how to tell them because maybe they’ll deny it and it will come out that I am the one who’s wrong. I don’t know, but that’s all I can feel. I can see it and feel it every time I am with them. I’m trying to be the truest person I can be to them. I’m trying. But not everyone will treat you like you treat them. Some will just use you for their sake. Some will hurt you without them knowing they’re already hurting you.
I know I just need to be strong for myself. I know God wants me to learn my lessons, first is that He wants me not to forget Him. He’s just getting my attention because He thinks I’m getting far from Him. I know I will be still and still will be. Thank you Lord for letting me feel this. Thank you for helping me being strong to face everyday life’s challenges. I promise not to forget You Lord. After all, I know I’m still blessed to have real friends. I know they’re few. But I don’t need many friends, atleast what I have were all true. Feeling better now. =)